Dilemma.

i miss my blogsite. i hate it that i have no time for bloggin since im seriously busy with work. i feel really stressed. im scared that i suddenly might be rushed to the hospital due to over fatigue. i wish not. i have the feeling that im already bein a workaholic now. and i guess it aint good. i even feel sometimes that i might just collapse. not good at all. well, cant help it to just work and work and work coz i wanna keep myself really busy. i dont wanna be idle. i hate it. i just get to feel sad and think about a lot of things during idle times. a lot of things have been happenin lately. its not good to always talk about problems in here. i wish someday id be writing happy memories in my turf. my friends always ask me - "are you ok?" and i just tell them "what do you think? obviously im not ok!". what a silly question. i feel so down. i feel so low. i have a lot of issues on myself right now. it includes the usual - my family probs, my work and some other. im so tired. my minds all messed up. my heart is so overused. i just dont understand why some people cannot be true to themselves. they always pretend and hide their real self. some people lie and deny just to save their faces and just to wash their own hands. too bad. they may not know its no good at all or maybe they are just bein insensitive and dont care about other peoples feelings. they always keep the 'i-dont-care-about-you' attitude. i really need a break. i need to get away. to sort things out and clear my mind. i need time for myself. just me, myself and i - for me to be able to find myself again. to realize who i really am and where i really belong. this has always been my dilemma. in the 24 years of my life, i always feel so outcast. i dont want to think that people loves to just use me. my friends always say that i am so kind, so good; that people take advantage of me. that is my weakness and i hate it. i am not weird, just eccentric. ill get away now ok? im out! poof!

My Star.

August 31, 2005 - Wednesday, was just an ordinary day. I went to work so early and did my stuffs. Whole day of freakin non stop workin. I dont feel really well and in fact, i was feelin lazy and even feelin lazy to tap my fingers on the keyboard but still i worked my ass out and tried to finish at least 45 accounts for my day productivity. After that, i was tired, hungry, and all - then my boss suddenly announced that he'll be treating the whole team for a buffet on dinner time and we'll be having our team bonding. Everybody was happy to hear that. At exactly 7:00 p.m., everybody rushed off to Shang-rila in Bon Appetit restaurant where the little get together will be held. I was with my best office bud Tin, and the two ladies Joey and Diane. We were supposed to take a cab goin to the said place but there was none, so we decided to take the legendary tricycle instead. It was us who first arrived in the place. I asked the waiter to show us the table reserved for our team so he headed us to the main attraction table. I sat and just looked around. I was drummin my fingers on the table and suddenly, Joey whispered to me 'di ba yan yung sa starstruck?' and I followed where Joey was lookin and poof! unexpectedly - I saw the most beautiful gurl i've ever seen - my biggest crush LJ Reyes! OhMiGosh! I didnt know how i felt at that time. All i can remember was, my hands and knees were shakin and i cant breath. My eyes were stucked on to her. I didnt manage to eat well coz i just enjoyed starin at her. She's got the sweetest smile ive ever seen in a celebrity. And she's got the cutest dimples, i swear! I was so happy i've got the chance to see her personally even if I didnt get to talk to her. But starin at her from an 8 step distance is really a dream come true. She is very pretty and even beautiful. She is a star and is indeed my star. And i was not just starstrucked but i guess i was lovestrucked. Only if she's not a million miles away from me.